Namaste - Day 11, 12 & 13

and again i was super late on Wed & Thurs.

i realised why i've been so tired & exhausted the last 2-3 days. it's a monthly thing. my body starts to breakdown a day or two before my cycle starts. and because my body is still getting used to doing yoga for the last two weeks, i got extra tired. i just couldn't get out of bed this morning, despite already being half awake.

my body is telling me not to push it any further. i've not done any form of real exercise in months (maybe even years), and i'm no spring chicken either.

i used to lie to myself that, yeah, i am exercising what.. i'm dancing in clubs.. counts rite :p
no, dancing in a club does not count for exercise. its not as intense as dancing in a real class for 2-3 hours straight. it can't even compare to my 1 hour of yoga every morning. so therefore, it definitely doesn't count.

no worries, i'll be back and bouncing again in another 2 days..

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meals for the last 2 days :)

we had chickpeas & olive salad and wheatberries & fruits salad

this was really yummy on its own..

but i couldn't help making it into a wrap.

a chickpea & salad with yogurt dressing chapati wrap..

*drooling while thinking about it*

annnnddd my wheatberries & fruit salad

was supposed to wrap this too, but i didn't have time this morning

as i didn't get to go to class this morning, my dearest cousin, who's also in the challenge together with me, dropped it off at my house. thanks yvonne! :)

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there's also something else that triggered during the last few days. i felt that i should finally let this off my chest. one of the reasons why i haven't blog this in the last year or so is cause i haven't been blogging about much.

there was this boyfriend whom i was seeing for a year. he was my pillar of strength. the man who pulled me out of a rut that i was in and help me define myself again.

when we broke up, it was a mutual decision. however, mutual as it was, it was still as heartbreaking as hell. shortly after we broke up, he got together with his now fiance.

i was jealous, hurt, and couldn't think of anything else but to numb myself. and i did that by somewhat heading into self-destructive acts like drinking, drinking alot, screwing around, getting into destructive relationships, throwing away my so-called career, and what not.. it took me 9 months to destroy myself, and another 3 years to try and save what's left of it.

there is definitely no doubt that i loved him very much, and still do, although not in the same manner. however, i love him that much to want him to be happy, even if its with someone else. that's healthy still right :)

and finally i am able to let go. i am even able to face her (his fiance) too. she was one of the many friends i made during college. so it was kinda awkward at first.

all that was a while ago. and yet, sometimes it just feels like yesterday. constantly feeling guilty of how much i've let myself go and abusing my own body the last half a decade.

another thing i've felt, or rather, was pointed out by a friend, was that i was slowly but surely, building up barriers around my heart like you wouldn't believe. those walls are thicker and longer than the great wall of china. she told me, open up myself, don't get used to being single. basically means don't be a hermit.

and i think this was one of the reasons why my not-so-recent relationship didn't work out that well. because i was still clammed up. because i wasn't open. because i didn't take the risk to feel and love again.

it's time to break all those down, and no one else can do that but me.